


'Cause All of Me Loves All of You

by volleycatnika



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Coping, Coping Together, M/M, Miro, OCD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shatt, Social Anxiety, Song fic, Song: All of Me, all of me by john legend, me self projecting onto two fictional characters in order to cope with my own issues, tw OCD, tw anxiety, tw ptsd, tw social anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 05:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15857340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volleycatnika/pseuds/volleycatnika
Summary: Matt has anxiety issues. Shiro has PTSD. Together, they cope. Together they live and love. #WritingThisIsMyWayOfCopingFic inspired by All of Me by John Legend.





	'Cause All of Me Loves All of You

“ _ Hey _ ,” a soft voice calls, accompanied by a hand on his shoulder - always his right. It catches him off guard, his breath catching in his throat until his eyes and his brain finally connect - recognize who is beside him. “Where are you?” Shiro attempts to (and fails) to keep a neutral face. He dons an expression that Matt summarizes as  _ pinched _ \- various elements on his face such as his eyebrows wrinkling and wiggling to be angled toward the center of his face. He looks like he licked a lemon and is cutting an onion all at the same time. “Where are you right now?”

Matt replies with a blink, a crooked smile and a shaky “what do you mean?” It’s his own attempt of a neutral face, an “ _I’m_ _fine_ ” face. Neither one of them are particularly good at hiding their thoughts or emotions - good thing neither one of them has a desire to play poker. “I’m fine.” The words, the **lie** tastes bitter on his tongue. Lowering his gaze, he stares into the center of his cup, slowly rotating his hands to make the water swirl within. Hyperfixation or zoning out… Side effects and coping mechanisms of his generalized anxiety, social anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. Oh and likely PTSD. “I’m here and I’m fine. **I promise**.” This lie taster more bitter than the last and he chugs the water, trying to wash away the taste - _the guilt_.

“If you say so,” Shiro replies, voice dropping an octave.  _ He know _ s. Shiro knows him too well. He won’t push for Matt to talk, but he won’t let Matt brush it under the rug either. “Can I hug you?”

Matt nods a confirmation, crouching to place his cup on the top step before rising up and leaning in Shiro’s direction. Shiro, the kind, patient soul, lets him lean, arms wrapping loose and low around his lanky frame. A broad chin rests on the top of his head and a low hum fills his ears as Shiro gently rocks them from side to side. 

Eyelids fluttering closed, Matt tries to get lost in it, the feeling, the sound of him and Shiro. The two of them are on the patio, away from the party, away from the  _ crowd _ . But he can’t. His brain is just so loud. “I thought the party would serve as a nice break from all the work I need to do. But all I can think about is all the work I need to do and how I could be doing it right and maybe I  _ should _ be doing it right now… I feel guilty for taking a break. Then somehow I feel guilty for not taking a break sooner. I just can’t stop thinking and feeling. There’s a whole lot of intrusive thoughts in my head.”

Shiro’s humming stops as he tilts his head back to give Matt’s forehead a kiss. “What do you wanna do about it? Is there a particular coping skill you want to use? Or rather, want to  _ try _ to use?”

“I don’t know,” Matt mumbles, “I just wanna go home.” Shiro’s response is instantaneous, the taller man literally sweeping him off his feet. With a surprised squeak, Matt merely clings to Shiro as he dramatically carries him to their car. For a split second, he’s distracted and in the moment, eyes focused on Shiro’s sparkling eyes and goofy grin. What did Matt do to deserve this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What did I do to deserve this?” Shiro groans. With only the early morning sun to light up the kitchen, Matt can just make out Shiro’s hunched form. Tapping his knuckles against the doorframe to announce his presence, Matt slowly approaches.

Settling in the stool across from Shiro’s, he rests his chin on his hand as he studies him. Tousled silver hair, dark eyebags and clenched jaw. Something is up. Something is  _ keeping _ him up. “Do you wanna talk?” A slow, but sure shake of the head serves as a no. “Do you want to go for a walk?”  _ No _ . “Do you want to color in that adult coloring book I got?” A pause.  _ Yes _ .

“Okay. I’ll go get it. But first, could you look at me?” He makes his request in a soft voice, his volume barely above a whisper. Shiro is looking in his direction but his gaze seems to be over his shoulder - distant. “Takashi, could you look me in the eyes, please?” A moment passes, Shiro’s gaze ever slowly growing shorter and shifting over to him. “I’m here, in our apartment. You’re here in our apartment. The war ended last year. I’m okay. You’re okay. I’m going to leave to get the coloring book and color pencils but I’ll be right back. Is that okay?” Matt pauses, not wanting to push but still worried. “If you’re up to it, could you repeat what I said?”

Shiro releases a heavy sigh before replying. “Yeah, yeah that’s fine. We’re in our apartment. The war is over. We’re fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. You should…” he loses his train of thought halfway through, “What time is it? You should probably sleep.”

“I’m coming back,” Matt reiterates, “unless you really want me to go” Sliding off his stool, he says, “don’t answer me now, just think about it. I can easily come back and just leave afterward. You don’t have to decide anything now.” With that said he leaves, slippers emitting muffled thumps as he walks to their bedroom

Shortly returning with the coloring book and a box of colored pencils, he sits across from Shiro. Opening it to a random page, he slides it across the counter to Shiro. Popping the top open on the box, he too slides that across the counter. With a small, fragile smile, Shiro accepts the offering. Plucking out a navy blue pencil he colors the dog blue, like Keith’s cosmic space wolf. Only after he’s halfway done does he speak. “I had a nightmare. Couldn’t sleep. Then I was just kinda… _I_ _dunno_. Out of it.” There’s an unexpected pause as he closes the coloring book and unceremoniously shoves the pencil back in the box. “Can you come here?”

Matt moves to join Shiro on the other side of the counter, standing near and still until an arm snakes around his waist. Slowly, he reaches up to cradle Shiro’s jaw, using his thumb to rub slow circles on his face. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Shiro admits, “still not great, but better.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“B-E-T-T-E-R,” Shiro says, voice in sync with Matt’s finger. Shirtless and sprawled out, their window fan emits a soft hum in the background as Matt uses a finger to write along Shiro’s back. It’s a hot and lazy Sunday morning, the two of them awake but reluctant to get up. “You’re spelling ‘better’. Is there a reason you chose that word? Or maybe you’re actually trying to write butter? You hungry for breakfast?”

“No reason, really,” Matt confess with a thoughtful hum. “Although I wonder - why did you marry me? I have a lot of baggage… You have a lot of baggage. If you didn’t spend so much time with me you’d have a lot less to worry about.”

“ _ Matthew Jordan Holt, _ ” Shiro replies, rolling so he no longer rests on his stomach. Now resting on his side, he looks into Matt’s eyes with a passion, with a  _ determination _ . “What’s going on in that beautiful mind?” He playfully taps Matt’s forehead. “Don’t you see it? You’re crazy and I'm out of my mind. We’re two imperfect people. Two people with an army’s worth of baggage. I know this and I don’t mind.  **‘Cause all of me loves all of you** .” He slowly leans in to give Matt a quick kiss. “The perfections and the imperfections. Nothing will change that. You can’t get rid of me,  _ Matthew Jordan Holt. _ You’re stuck with me Matthew Jordan Holt.”

“You’re an annoying sap. You know I hate it when you call me that,” Matt huffs, using a hand to cover his red (from blushing) face.

“What? Oh you mean  _ Matthew Jordan Holt? _ If I remember correctly it makes you blush.  _ Matthew, _ ” Matt playfully pushes Shiro’s face away, “ _ Jordan _ ,” Shiro emits a loud laugh, “ _ Holt _ ,” Shiro manages to get another kiss in. 

“ _ God, _ I wish you had a middle name I could tease you about,” Matt groans, pulling Shiro in for a cuddle session. “I guess I’ll have to settle for  _ Takashi Shirogane _ . Maybe I’ll call you  _ Takashi _ a whole bunch of times in a row…” As if on cue, Shiro blushes. “Haha, payback!  **I love you** .”


End file.
